u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
