can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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