I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize