If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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