dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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