I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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