my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
