we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please don't give away my fajitas
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
