i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
