wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize