Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
