Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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