didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
