Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
