Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
