this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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