i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
