That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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