I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He did a backflip because drugs
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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