My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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