went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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