For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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