Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
