Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
