Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
