I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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