It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
