I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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