You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
