The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
