I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
