I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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