I cannot find my penis.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
