He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
