He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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