I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
