a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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