Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
