Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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