Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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