turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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