peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
