he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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