So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
