I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
