plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
They have beer where we have blood.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
