we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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