We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
