I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
