While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
