I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
