Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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