Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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