so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's just like the Real World with babies
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
