did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
