Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
