70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
