Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
