Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
