i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
