I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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