whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
