I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
