she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
