Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!

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(514): View more from Quebec

I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.

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(319): View more from Iowa

Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(407): View more from Florida

I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.

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(416): View more from Toronto

He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke

(678): View more from Georgia

Fly high, Fly.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.

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