mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I've blown a few things in my day
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
