He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter