we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n