I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
