Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't deserve a penis
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
