1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.