my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
